Memorable Quotes

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This show comes complete with some downright classic one-liners, but it also has more than its fair share of memorable moments.  These are some of my favourites, but if you have some too, please email me!

NOTE: I've tried to organise quotes by episode and season, but some of them I'm not sure of.  If I've made any mistakes, or you can help by telling me what episode a quote is from, please email me.


From 315 - Lawyers, Reporters and Cockroaches

Bobby:  Lindsay, I know your little inflections.  I know that when you said that you meant that you were more qualified to do the closing.  Now, you can either tell me why you think you're more qualified or not; and if you don't, I'm going to have to take that as a lie.  Are you a liar?

Helen: Supposedly this guy gives a standing massage too.  You move with it.
Lindsay:  Funny.  I get that rub from Bobby
Helen:  Funny.

Mr Jacobs:  Any restaurant has bugs.  You got food, you get bugs.  It's not like we serve them.

Lindsay:  (sarcasticall)  Gee.  I'd hate to insult the integrity of journalism.  You're client should have saluted those cockroaches out of professional courtesy.

Bobby:  You're a news reporter.  Does that mean you were being honourable, or was that the justification for being dishonourable?

Lindsay: If you go in there and rant out of anger or outrage, we'll lose.  A velvet glove is better here dammit and I am not dry!
Bobby: Is this the velvet glove I'm hearing?
Lindsay: Oh, shut up.

Ellenor: I'd like to talk.  Maybe after this trial is over, or when you come up for air.

Bobby:  Let's go home, get some sleep.  That summation made me drowsy.

Ellenor: You're dating a basketball player?
Lucy: They're the most law-abiding of all professional athletes, Ellenor.
Ellenor:  Yeah, but doesn't your head come up to his... you know, knee?

Lindsay: Since when did you take such a strong interest in math, Ellenor?

Ellenor: You pissy little bitch

Judge Joseph Camp: (to the jury) You jackasses!


From 316 - End Games

Judge Kittleson: If I had a dime for every erotic dream I had...

Lindsay: Oh no, it's Judge Whackadoo.

Judge Swackheim:  Wait a second second second.  This is the guy that same running in, so forth so forth, drugs?

Judge Swackheim: You have got a God-awful, scum-sucking, guilty client here.

Judge Swackheim: What do I look like to you? A big dope? Am I a big dope to you? He's got a record as long as my intestine. Do I look like a dope?

George Vogelman: I've been out of work now for six months. I finally got hired two days ago - two days ago! - and what happens? In come the police to take me away again. Go ahead, Eugene, beat the hell out of me. I need the money.

Judge Kittleson: One might say I seduced him.
Cadence: Why might one say that?
Kittleson: Because I did.

Judge Kittleson: And then, at the risk of sounding immodest, I gave him the best fallatio known to mankind. (everyone looks shocked) I am sorry to be so blunt. But, I think we all know what could happen if you don't come clean at a deposition.

Kevin: For the last seven months, we probably made love two to three times a day, sometimes four.
Bobby: Four times in one day?
Kevin: One day, I think we hit eleven. She was insatiable.
Bobby:  Wow.

Helen: (about Judge Kittleson) She's a hundred and two years old.


From 317 - Target Practice

Lindsay: Earth to Jimmy - causation!

Kevin: For the last seven months, we probably made love two to three times a day, sometimes four.
Bobby: Four times in one day?
Kevin: One day, I think we hit eleven. She was insatiable.
Bobby:  Wow.


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